Are you suppose to be happy?
Till last week, I thought that my job or life is suppose to be happy. A place where I am happy to come. But reading Man’s search for the meaning the author points out that “Who said life is suppose to be happy ?” And suddenly I couldn’t remember how I came to this conclusion that life is suppose to be happy. It’s not suppose to be happy. It’s suppose to be mix of happiness and extreme suffering.
This week whenever I was doing something like sketching, listening to music, running, or stretching I was feeling good and I told myself that. That reinforcement helped to be be aware that I was happy and those small moment meant everything.
There are times which literally suck the positiveness out of my body and I don’t want to do anything. The only way to get out of this is to understand that you don’t want to do anything but to be okay you need to change the state of your body (i.e. do exercise, read, go out, help your mom).
I jokingly told one of my friend that baby’s cry when they’re born because they understand the amount of suffering they have to go to.
I am off to read on since I am in this zone where I need to push myself off to being normal.
Life is shit but the reward are much better if you can handle it.
Update:
Post reading for 1 hour and then 20 minutes of lucid(basically I dream in it) meditation using headspace brought me into entirely different zone. I really feel relaxed and then I was enjoying smaller things in life like food, talking to my parents and music.
I think reading is the mood changer for me which makes my mind calmer. (Still have to experiment and see if this works always) I did have large amount of coffee to balance out the sleepiness which I felt.
Update 2: 17th May 2020
Since, my vaccination my body wasn’t feeling right and once again my schedule was broken. I was once again in a zone where I was not happy with myself spending time binge watching and sleeping.
I noticed yesterday that music does make me feel better when Golu was playing music and that made me feel good. Now, when I am listening to songs I feel good. In order to get out what doesn’t feel right you need to do what you don’t want.
Things I have done to get out of weird zone:
This should act as future guide for me when I feel weird.
- YouTube videos (example)
- Music — Playing my playlist over speaker
- Going out for run.
- Slept and felt good to work.
